Angsting With Akito
by Hatori Ichihara
Summary: Akito hosts a new show where she interviews everyone she's tortured... and we can't forget our little Kyokyo doing the commerical breaks! T for cursingviolence please r&r FINALLY UPDATED SORRY FOR WAIT
1. Yuki

_Angsting with Akito _

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or anything else mentioned.**

_Chapter 1: Yuki_

"Hello and welcome to Angsting with Akito, I'm your host Akito and today's episode will be all about the angst with Yuki!" Akito stepped onto the stage with a large smile on her face. "For those who do not know this show we take random people who I tortured the crap out of and talk with them about it!"

A small spotlight turned on and it focused on Yuki, who was tied to a chair in his school uniform. Akito walked calmly over to the spot, she was wearing black pants and a black short sleeved shirt.

"Where… where am I? AKITO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE! WHAT AM I DOING HERE! WHAT IS GOING ON!" Yuki yelled as he saw Akito and the studio audience. The audience laughed as Akito tapped Yuki on the head with a ruler that came out of nowhere.

"Why my dear Yuki, you are on…" and he pointed the ruler at the stupid audience which chanted:

"_Angsting…With…AKITO!"_ and they all began clapping. Yuki stared at them all in disgust and tried getting out of his chair. He was tied to it and could not get up; Akito sat down in her own chair and watched Yuki struggle.

"Yuki dear, would you mind telling us about how I tortured you as a child?" Akito asked pleasantly and Yuki kept struggling and the studio audience laughed. Akito smiled at the camera and pointed her finger for the camera to switch to a visual of Yuki, who had taken a pocket knife and was now attempting to cut through the thick rope bonding him to the chair.

"Why?"

Akito sighed, this kid would not co-operate, "Because it's…" and Akito trialed off for the studio audience to fill her in.

"…"

"Yo audience that's your cue." Akito told them.

"_Ohh… Angsting… With… AKITO!" and the audience began clapping._

Yuki stared at the audience. "You have got to be kidding me." He said, turning to Akito. Akito smiled and nodded, encouraging Yuki to start with his story.

"Ok fine. When I was younger I had a psychotic mom who-

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

_Kyo stood in front of the steps to a building. "Hi, I'm Kyo Sohma. And I used to be just an ordinary kid. You know, living life day to day in the simplest fashion."_

_The clip of Kyo on the steps cuts off to show mini-clips of Kyo getting the crap beaten out of him by an obsessive Kagura and being hugged by Tohru in public because she tripped. Another clip showed him being kicked through the paper door at his home by Yuki._

"_Yeah… the simple life." Kyo continued, stumbling a little and swaying from side to side. "But then I got into the really cool stuff. Things like drugs and alcohol, you know, the stuff that special important kids do." _

_This clip of Kyo walking cuts to clips of him sitting in a chair all alone holding a bottle of beer with Kagura on his lap and Tohru standing beside him holding his shoulder with her feet nailed to the floor so she wouldn't trip, and Yuki was transformed into a rat and stuck into a dog kennel. There was a poof and burst of light as Yuki transformed back into a human, but was naked and trapped in a cage. The Yuki Sohma fan girls ran over and petted his purple hair and admired him._

"_Yeah I was special. Those drugs and that beer made me the king of all people so remember, if you wanna be someone…" the clip cut off to show more of Kyo's "good" changes. Kyo's voice went over the clip of him sitting on a throne with cocaine and beer by his side on little tables. "Do drugs." _

**END BREAK**

"Can I start my story now?" Yuki asked, he was still trying to cut through the ropes but the knife was to dull. Akito took the knife, sharpened it on a rock that was conveniently next to her and handed the blade back to Yuki.

"Yes Yuki you may."

"Ok." Yuki nodded to Akito and the studio audience as he continued trying to cut through the ropes. "So, my mom was a complete psychopath, right? And she sells me off to Akito for a penny and some chocolate ice cream, yeah? So after I began living with Akito she would lock me in rooms with Momiji for days on end. IT WAS TORTURE DAMMIT TORTURE!" Yuki began spazzing out and almost broke through the ropes withholding him.

Scratch that, he broke free.

Yuki stood pure psycho-ness in his eyes and he glared to Akito, who was sitting wide eyed at the boy. The "rope" that were holding Yuki had been solid unbreakable metal with thick rope surrounding them… and Yuki broke them.

"I will be you for what you did to me in my childhood." Yuki said darkly, all the while staring at Akito. "You want to know how it feels to be locked in a room with a complete psychopath. Well let me tell you, Momiji is not a fun person, he is to hyper and kept trying to seduce me."

The screen went black as Yuki came running at Akito and tackled her to the ground with hands around her neck. There was a large commotion to be heard and the sounds of shattering glass, along with random gasps from the stupid audience as they watched Yuki's anger unfold upon Akito.

**Epilogue for the episode: **

Akito sat in a small lonely room. She was hugging her knees and hiding from something… a horrible something. There was a noise from across the room and Akito shrieked crawling quickly towards the only door. She tried it but to no avail, it was locked.

"Please Yuki I'll do anything just let me out of here!" She screamed at the door, there was a chuckling heard on the other side and Akito clawed at the door even more.

"Oh Akito…" said an annoying voice Akito knew all to well.

There was a terrible scream as Momiji came out of the shadows of the room and walked towards Akito.

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next up: Kyo-Kyo!

please review

andyes, Akito is a girl (i read manga spoilers but most people seem to know that anyway, i just wanted to confirm that its a fact)

Selina


	2. KyoKyo

_Angsting with Akito _

This chapter is a bit shorter then Yuki's but it's the chapter that makes this story rated T. enjoy... I NEED IDEAS FOR THIS FANFIC PLEASE.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or anything else mentioned.**

_Chapter 2: Kyo_

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Akito stepped onto the stage once again to the many claps and cheers of her studio audience. Today she wore a black skirt with a small dying flower (so Akito) and a black shirt.

"Hello and welcome to another episode of Angsting with Akito" She said smiling. "Today's episode is focused solely on Kyo, our stupid cat!" Akito finished as a spotlight turned on and pointed to Kyo, who was chained to his chair. Akito's previous experience with rope had not gone too well.

"Where the hell am I?" Kyo yelled as he fought against the chains.

"Why stupid cat you are on…" Akito began.

"_Angsting… with… AKITO!"_ the studio audience filled in. Kyo sweat dropped, where the hell had those people come from?

"Ok now, stupid cat, please explain how I have tortured you in the past." Akito instructed. Kyo pulled out one of those cans that have the nozzle that spurt out the blue flame and put on a welding mask.

"Explain it yourself I'm leaving." He said as he turned on the can thing and starting melting through his chains. Akito sighed on turned to face the camera.

"I'm sorry but we will need to insert a rather long commercial break." She turned from the camera and took the can from Kyo, turning it on and pointing it at him.

**COMMERCIAL BREAK**

Hatori stood in front of a lavender background with his normal indifferent facial expression. On the bottom of the screen a little text bar appeared that read:

_Doctor Hatori Sohma – Doctor of Psycho People_

Hatori walked down a hallway (painted lavender) and let the camera follow him, still not uttering a word. He stopped at a maroon door where absolute silence was heard on the other side.

"Hello, I'm Hatori Sohma. I am a Doctor of Psycho People. The current line of study for my profession is what happens when Stupid Cats are stuck in a room with only porn tapes."

Hatori opened the door after finishing the sentence and walked into the pale room with another man in the room. There was a TV and a VCR player with some random tapes on the table next to the TV. He grabbed one tape and put it in the VCR, pressing play as he did so.

The TV turned on and the camera zoomed into the TV screen.

"_Kyo look at this picture… what do you see?" Hatori asked while showing Kyo a card with an ink blob on it. _

"_Porn!" Kyo smiled and Hatori sweat dropped. Hatori put the first ink blob card down and picked up a new one. _

"_This?" he asked._

"_Porn" Kyo said, still smiling. _

_Hatori sighed and lead Kyo across the room to a different psychological section thing and they sat down in two identical chairs. "Ok Kyo, tell me the first words that comes to mind upon hearing the word I say." Kyo nodded, showing he understood. _

"_Chicken." Hatori said._

"_Porn." Kyo replied. _

"_Duck." Hatori tried again._

"_Porn." Kyo replied again. _

"_Porn." Hatori tried. _

"_chicken" Kyo said smiling. _

Hatori shut off the TV. "As you can see this is a serious condition. So please send up money." He said.

**END BREAK**

"Sorry it took so long folks." Akito said apologetically. Kyo was still chained to the chair beside her. There were burn marks all over him. "Kyo here agreed to tell his history, so let's listen shall we?"

The camera focused more on Kyo, who was still trying to melt his chains. "Ok well, my mom killed herself because I let her meet Momiji and everyone blamed me because I'm a sexy kitty cat. So I took off my beads to scare the crap out of them and Akito yelled at me. So she locked me in the room next to Yuki and Momiji and made me watch porn." Kyo paused and thought.

"Yes Kyo?" Akito asked. The studio audience joined her in watching Kyo think. It was an interesting sight. The more Kyo thought the redder his face became. By the time his face finished being red it became blue and then purple. When the purple stage ended steam came out of his ears.

"THOSE TAPES WERE HORRIBLE!" Kyo suddenly exploded, breaking his chains and grabbing poor Akito by the arms and dragged her off. The screen went blank as Akito screamed: "CUT!"

_Epilogue_

Akito was tied to a chair in a dark room. She tried moving but couldn't. A figure, shrouded by darkness, stood beside the TV in front of her. In that figure's hand was a tape that said "Barney. All 1,213,476,780 hours of it." Akito screamed as the figure put the tape in the player and hit play.

As the opening credits came on a noise was heard from beside Akito. She turned and came face to face with Momiji.

"Won't this be fun Akito?" Momiji asked.

Kyo laughed as Akito's fear scream was heard. Oh how he loved revenge.

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please review

Selina


	3. Isuzu Rin

**-SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A WHILE. I'm updating now based on the most recent review. I got one for "HouseThe New Hatori" and then the next review down in my inbox was for Angsting with Akito. This is Rin's Chapter  
-Also, this commercial break is what I've always wanted to do… Mwhaha.  
-Another also: My friend Laura wrote the epilogue, so she gets credit for that**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket or anything else mentioned.**

_Chapter 3 – Rin_

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Akito stumbled onto the stage. She had not been well since starting her show. She took a breath and looked over her audience. "Hello and welcome to…" she fell over while the audience filled in the words.

"_**Angsting With Akito!!!"**_

"Thank you… too kind…" Akito mumbled as she got up, staggering a bit. "Today's episode is all about Rin, the house."

…(Silence from audience)

"Oh crap. Sorry, I meant Rin the _horse_. Damn authoress typos…" She was walking slowly and carefully to center stage. She had decided skirts weren't her thing, so she wore black pants and a black shirt.

She reached center stage where Rin was tied and chained to the chair. Akito had wasted no time in making sure no one was escaping like the last two times.

"Why the hell am I here?" She asked, waving her short black hair (volume 18) and smoothing the edges of her school skirt, which, she just realized, was a bit to small for her.

Akito smiled brightly, feeling the strange hyperness that often went through her at times like this, where she explained why the guest was there. "Why Rin… you are on _Angsting with Akito_. The show where you tell our viewers exactly what I did to torture you…"

The audience cheered while Akito waved to them, and Rin looked at Akito like she was psychotic. "You're kidding. You can't be serious so shut up and let me go." Akito sighed. Rin was just too stubborn.

She held up a small, crudely made doll of Haru. "This is a voodoo doll." She said, holding a lighter (not lit) underneath the doll. Rin sighed, Akito didn't need to say anything more.

"Fine I'll do it. It all started when…"

"NO NO WAIT RIN!" Akito interrupted. "Let the commercial break come first."

**Commercial Break**

Kyo was walking on a bridge with a sunset in the background.

"Can you hear me now?"

"_Yes…_" The voice sounded kinda familiar.

Kyo now stood on a beach, with the same exact background (sunset).

"Can you hear me now?"

"_I said yes!" _The voice really did seem familiar

Kyo was hanging upside down in a dark cave, which for some reason had a sunset background.

"Can you hear me now?"

"_YES DAMMIT!"_ Kyo was almost sure he knew who was on the phone with him now.

The last scene had Kyo standing dramatically on top of a tall building.

"Can you hear me now?" he said into the little black phone.

"Yes." Came a voice from behind him. Kyo turned just as Akito came running from behind him, pushing him off.

As Kyo plunged down his cell phone rang. Akito's voice floated from the speaker to his ear. "Can _you_ hear me now bitch?" then Kyo hit the ground.

**End Commercial Break **

Akito was standing on stage with Rin in the background. She was kinda blushing. "Heh-heh… I thought they deleted that cut of the commercial because Tohru threatened to sue… " But then she had another mood swing and became her normal self.

"Can I tell my story now?" Rin asked. Akito nodded and Rin took a deep breath.

"Ok so I was 7 or so and I decided to ruin my life by asking them to let me watch Kyo/Yuki porn. They spazzed on me and threw me out, so I went to live with Kagura. Her mom had a secret stash of Kyo/Yuki AND Yuki/Ayame porn in her closet, so I mostly stayed in my room…"

From the audience a slap could be head. "KYO I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MADE TAPES!" Then a flash of purple hair leaving the room where the show was being filmed.

"…aaaannnyyyywwwwaaaayyyy…" Rin said with an awkward look towards the blushing Kyo. "Then Haru came and we made out a lot. It was fun, but then he wanted to watch my porn with me. So I let him. Then…" an angsty music began to fill the studio. "Akito found out."

Akito was sitting down in another chair next to Rin's and reading Shigure's newest book "How to screw your God and her mom".

"She wanted to watch the videos with me… and I said no. So she pushed me out a window. As I fell I decided not to let Haru watch the movies with me anymore, and that they would be all mine. But then Hiro suggested, just before getting Hatori, that I destroy the zodiac curse, and then I won't ever be forced to share my Yuki/Kyo porn with Akito again." Rin finished with tears in her eyes.

"…That's nice." Akito said. "By the way…" Akito said, holding up the Haru doll. "This isn't a voodoo doll." She said, tossing it to her left in the trashcan.

Suddenly from right stage Haru came flying , hitting right into Akito. "AGH!" Akito yelled. Haru and Akito went flying and landed somewhere near the end of the stage.

Rin suddenly burst from the chair, fire in her eyes as she saw poor Haru unconscious on the floor next to Akito. She grabbed Akito and dragged her off.

_Epilogue:_

Akito was being dangled off the top of a Tokyo skyscraper but Rin, who was still quite mad. "Oh no Rin-chan please!!!" Akito pleaded.

Tohru suddenly appeared behind Rin, holding a small black cell phone. She took the cell phone and placed it carefully in the pocket of Akito's pants. Akito's eyes became wider. Tohru and Rin working together.

"Oh crap."

"Don't worry. Kyo will cushion your fall." And then Rin let Akito go.

As Akito was falling her cell phone rang. Trembling and fighting the wind she picked it up. A soft, deadly voice, Tohru's voice, crept through the speaker. "Can you hear him now?"

And then Akito hit Kyo, bounced off (don't ask how…) and landed face first in Reb's boobs.

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please review!

Laura and Selina


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